Worry is sin.

Today we had a pace-maker clinic at the hospital for Anisa. These, and the cardiology ones, usually make me so nervous. What will they find? How well is the battery lasting? Today, as we raced around running errands before our appointment I barely had time to think about it. I am finding that a lot lately. I barely have time to think. In some ways this is good. In others not so much. If I haven't the time to think, then I haven't the time to worry. This is good, because I really have to learn that lesson that we are all in Gods hands. No matter what. I tend to be a bit of a control freak and this is a hard one for me. I know it. I do. It's just that sometimes I forget. I like to have plans, back-up plans and contingency plans for those back-up plans. I need to learn to let go a little more and to just go with it. Not having time to think or stress really helps with that. As part of the kids read aloud program we got a book entitled Catching their Talk in a Box, the title didn't grab me and I was not altogether sure how much I would enjoy reading that story but it turned out to contain some gems that we all needed to hear and that I, for one will not soon forget. It tells the story of a Cristian Missionary named Joy Riderhoff and I won't go into the details here, but man if ever anyone trusted in God under all circumstances this lady did. Her life was transformed by a preacher who told her: "Worry is sin. If you trust in God you don't worry. If you worry, you don't trust in God." And she, like me, was a worrier, but she learned not to be. That is what I am aiming for. But it sure is hard when you have kids. I am not sure that I'll ever get there, but I am certainly going to try, especially in light of this up-coming surgery and how worried I was the last time. I am hoping that I can put everything into God's hands, for real, and be entirely confident and positive for Anisa's sake. I almost teared up as the pacemaker specialist told us that the battery is definitely being expended and we needed to book the surgeon soon, but I didn't. See? I've still got a way to go. We saw the receptionist, got the necessary paperwork and headed off for Persian classes. As we were walking Anisa put her hand in mine and I think I held on just a little bit tightly. We both have our moments, but man alive, I love that girl.