Worry is sin.

Today we had a pace-maker clinic at the hospital for Anisa. These, and the cardiology ones, usually make me so nervous. What will they find? How well is the battery lasting? Today, as we raced around running errands before our appointment I barely had time to think about it. I am finding that a lot lately. I barely have time to think. In some ways this is good. In others not so much. If I haven't the time to think, then I haven't the time to worry. This is good, because I really have to learn that lesson that we are all in Gods hands. No matter what. I tend to be a bit of a control freak and this is a hard one for me. I know it. I do. It's just that sometimes I forget. I like to have plans, back-up plans and contingency plans for those back-up plans. I need to learn to let go a little more and to just go with it. Not having time to think or stress really helps with that. As part of the kids read aloud program we got a book entitled Catching their Talk in a Box, the title didn't grab me and I was not altogether sure how much I would enjoy reading that story but it turned out to contain some gems that we all needed to hear and that I, for one will not soon forget. It tells the story of a Cristian Missionary named Joy Riderhoff and I won't go into the details here, but man if ever anyone trusted in God under all circumstances this lady did. Her life was transformed by a preacher who told her: "Worry is sin. If you trust in God you don't worry. If you worry, you don't trust in God." And she, like me, was a worrier, but she learned not to be. That is what I am aiming for. But it sure is hard when you have kids. I am not sure that I'll ever get there, but I am certainly going to try, especially in light of this up-coming surgery and how worried I was the last time. I am hoping that I can put everything into God's hands, for real, and be entirely confident and positive for Anisa's sake. I almost teared up as the pacemaker specialist told us that the battery is definitely being expended and we needed to book the surgeon soon, but I didn't. See? I've still got a way to go. We saw the receptionist, got the necessary paperwork and headed off for Persian classes. As we were walking Anisa put her hand in mine and I think I held on just a little bit tightly. We both have our moments, but man alive, I love that girl.

10 things I am loving right now

In light of the fact that our virtue of the month is love I thought I would share some of the things that I am loving right now. And (in no particular order) they are:

1). Hanging the washing while the older kids bounce on the trampoline. I love hearing their laughter as they play together.

2). This little helper and how she is right in the thick of things while I hang the wash. She loves to toss the clothes pins out of the basket, but she she also appears to enjoy putting them back, so it's all good. Note the partially eaten apricot with the pegs. I love that. I forgot how much I missed those things.

3). Ruhi's magic wall for Bayan. One night Maryam was having some trouble getting settled and while I tended to her Ruhi helped tuck Bayan in. He was scared to go to bed because he'd been having bad dreams so this gorgeous girl came up with the idea of a magic wall and she went around the bed tapping each bedpost and told him that an invisible, impenetrable, wall had now been established around his bed and that no bad dreams, none at all, could sneak in. He woke up in the morning (without having bad dreams) and has been asking Ruhi to put one up for him, each night, ever since. I love that.

4). The way Maryam eats her crackers vertically.

5). Having, mostly one sided, conversations with Bayan as he lays down in bed and listening to him talk about robots and cars and inventions and the house he plans to build one day.

6). The way that Anisa never fails to give everyone a good-night kiss at bedtime, even little brothers whom she has been angry with (a lot) that day. She makes sure that she tells each of us that she loves us and makes sure that everyone receives a proper smooch. I love that.

7). The last days of watching her commando crawl. As she is getting more and more confident about walking we are seeing less and less of her signature crawl and I am soaking up every second of it.

8). Ruhi's random acts of kindness, like when she goes out to the clothesline to collect the clothes and bring them in without being asked. I love that and I am so grateful for her help.

9). That Bayan chooses to do the hard things first. When he has to complete a maths assignment he looks it over, thinks about what will be most difficult and tackles that first. Love that.

10). Bayan's cheerleaders who sit on the sidelines with me and watch him play tennis. (Even though they don't look particularly enthusiastic here - they really do love watching him play.)

Or sleep through the match. I love that too.

Haircuts

With super strong heat forecast for the next couple of days we're living the hermit lifestyle. Quiet time at home, leftovers for lunch and dinner, and lots of stories, cuddles and crafts. Maybe a couple of movies and definitely some haircuts. Ruhi has been debating about cutting her hair for months now but the soaring temperatures have finally tipped her over the edge and she has requested a major trim. Anisa is always ready to have her hair cut, often times cutting bits and pieces herself. I can sometimes find little tufts of her hair tucked or hidden in the most unusual places. Bayan, on the other hand, has to be caught and tethered to a chair, or else you have to be seriously stealthy, (invisible man style stealthy) sneak up behind him and quickly trim a lock or two. He was not interested today and I was not interested in attempting to shear him. It's much easier when they sit still and just let you get on with it. I cut both girls' hair and I, personally, think that it looks much better. But the best part is they both love it. It's cooler, easier and super cute. If I do say so myself.

By the way they have both since showered and yes I have trimmed the scraggly bits.

A Very Merry Unbirthday

Anisa really wanted a birthday party with friends to visit, a cake to eat, games to play and people to sing to her. You know, the usual. Her birthday was in August and it just didn't happen. So she kept bringing it up... "When do I get to have a birthday party?"... "How come Ruhi and Bayan got to have birthday parties and I didn't?"..."Are they going to get birthday parties next year?"... "What about me?" And the kicker: "Don't you love me?" Ugh! The guilt. So we put together a very impromptu unbirthday party for her yesterday. I kept thinking of the white rabbit and his pocket watch as he dashed about in a frenzy chanting "I'm late! I'm late... for a very important date." Hmmm. I could seriously relate and was going to use that on the invitations, but I wound up just calling around in the end. I envisioned the mad hatters tea party and figured that I would set up a table outside, provide nibbles and lunch and just let the kids play. That was pretty simple and I figured that I could handle that. I rented Alice in Wonderland for the kids in the first few days of the holidays and Anisa loved it. I must admit, after watching it for the first time in years, I'm not a big fan, but the kids enjoyed it and Ruhi, who I dubbed head of entertainment and who was commissioned to take charge of all party games and activities came up with some really good ideas. She illustrated a memory game and challenged the kids to match the main characters, she organized party bags and a pass the parcel (and oversaw an extra one thanks to Martha), she made a pin the tail on the white rabbit and was in charge of face painting. Anisa wanted in on the action too, it was her party after all, so she commandeered some customers of her own. Ruhi even made a series of doors out of paper and cardboard and began making keys to fit the slots, but then we ran out of time so I think that last one kind of fizzled out in the end. But the kids were happy to just play, the craft area was in chaos with supplies everywhere and some of the younger ones enjoyed some "making" while our youngest guest found the toilet paper stash and happily unraveled a few rolls in and around the toilet.

The cake was super simple. A three layer chocolate cake with chocolate butter icing and I just used decorations that we already had on hand. The girls and I had hoped to make a forest along the walls outside, but all we managed in the end were a few wayward signs: I was just going to do sandwiches and salad olivieh for lunch plus the standard muffins (but with "eat me" written in chocolate icing on them), fruit and veggie platters, crackers, chips and dips and leave it at that. But one guest insisted on making pasta. She brought two enormous pots (thank you Tahereh!) full of absolutely scrumptious spaghetti bolognase and a delicious salad. Everyone loved it. When my neighbour announced she was bringing chocolate crackles and marshmallow - cookie tea cups I abandoned the sandwich idea figuring that we would have more than enough and more than enough we did. The best bit was that Anisa had a lovely day and as we were getting ready for bed that night she gave me a big hug and said "Thank you so much for my party." Oh, how I love that child.

Good News with an Asian flair

We had Anisa's 6 monthly pace-maker clinic at the hospital today. I always feel so nervous before heading to these appointments. I am particularly aware that we are approaching the time that we will need to be getting her pace-maker replaced and was dreading hearing that we would have to do it sooner rather than later. Fortunately her battery level is measuring the same as it did at her last check. Which means that we should still have at least a year. They have adjusted her battery level a little which means that it will be using slightly more juice but hopefully we will still get at least another year before the pace maker (or batteries) needs to be replaced.

We stopped at the store on the way home because Anisa really wanted spring rolls for dinner and after hospital appointments I can never say no. She developed a hankering for coconuts while we were in the produce section, so we came home with one of those as well. She decided to dress for dinner as soon as we walked in the door and chose an outfit to go with the food. I love how she loves to accessorize and am so grateful that the appointment went well at least in terms of when we'll have to change the pacemaker.

Works of art

Anisa and Ruhi both came home with some artwork they had done in oil pastels. Anisa's is a vibrant representation of a little girl on a water slide with a rainbow background, while Ruhi's depicts a woodland setting complete with forest creatures and towering trees. I absolutely love both of them and am simply waiting for inspiration as to where to display them. For now they adorn the craft hutch in the dining room.

In other news Anisa has spent the weekend illustrating a story that she wrote. I absolutely adore it. Each time I read it, or have it read to me, it brings a smile to my face. I am reproducing it here, with the artists consent of course, so that you might enjoy it too.

Once upon a time there was a girl. She wanted a pet but her mum said "You have to wait until you are older."

She grew and she grew and she grew until she was 7. Her mum said, "You still have to wait until you are almost an adult."

So she went to go find some different animals. She went to find a koala....So she went home for a bandaid. (I love that part. You may think that something is missing, but that is the genius of the thing, Koalas can be brutal creatures and some injuries are simply implied.)

So she went home with her mum to get some ice cream.

She is currently working on some more stories. Her one about a poor family at Christmas time almost had me in tears. I'm sure that had nothing to do with pregnancy hormones. It was simply eloquent and beautiful. Here she is reading her latest publication to an enraptured Bayan.

The Mummy Dates

I have been trying to squeeze in some "alone time" with the girls before our newest addition arrives. This is has not been easy between work, school, extra-curricular activities and appointments but I have finally hit on a way to make it happen. And it has been working splendidly. This week it was Anisa's turn and I remembered the camera. I'm so glad that I did. It is nothing extravagant and we only have about 45 minutes together, but it is perfectly priceless. There is a small, quiet, cafe about 2 minutes down the road from the girls' school and that is where we come. We sit at the back, sharing hot chips and snacks and have a beautiful time 'just us'. I love how the girls are both so different. I love the opportunity to focus on them individually, even if only for a few minutes. I love Ruhiyyih's seriousness as she decides which frozen treat to try analyzing size, flavour, health factors and cost and Anisa's silly humor as she admires the artwork on the wall, spots wildlife from the deck and compares the length of her hot chips (french fries) to all sorts of unusual objects.

As an additional bonus we happened upon a koala on the way home. We have, countless times, seen them in the trees or waited patiently for them to cross the streets but I have never, not once, had my camera with me. Until today. Anisa saw him first lumbering down the middle of a side street so we doubled back and found him tucked into the branches of a towering eucalyptus tree. Thank goodness for powerful zooms. We watched as he snacked on the leaves, snuggled into the tree and as Anisa loudly exclaimed for all the neighbours to hear "Ohhh looook he's scratching his bum! He's sooooo cuuute!" Indeed he was, but you be the judge of just how cute.

Anisa is Seven

Sometimes I am amazed at how grown-up she has become. A beautiful artist, a budding chef, a comedian with a highly unusual sense of humor and a sweet nature with a quick temper. Anisa has been very forgiving this year as she really wanted a party, but based on the fact that I have been working 4 days a week, am still nauseous and have caught a horrible cold which kicked into high gear today that idea has had to be postponed. Indefinitely. There may not have been a raging party but I did manage to bake a simple chocolate cake for her class to share today as well as cupcakes for the rest of the school. Despite my fever, nausea (have I mentioned that before?) and lethargy she also got her favorite breakfast, her requested dinner, including a surprise salad with her favorite ingredients, and a cake to share with the family - to say nothing of the little puppy she has been begging for for ages. So it wasn't a total loss. Besides, I heard the cake was really good.

Shining lights

in an otherwise dark and dreary week:

her bright smile,

his sweet hugs,

her self developed action plan to improve her own behaviour

and butterfly kicks from this one.

Simple, little, things that did much to lift my spirit and remind me that, despite the obstacles and challenges, life is still very good.

Anisa's concoctions

Someone has been having a thoroughly spiffing time inventing new foods for the family and any innocent visitors to try. I am not sure which I enjoy more: watching the concentrated effort as Anisa carefully crushes cornflakes, measures specific quantities of milk and water and raids the condiment section of the refrigerator adding dashes of this, splashes of that and usually a touch of ketchup which always enhances the flavour, at least according to her; or watching Mehran's face as he samples (more warily than he did at first) her latest concoction.

I love the fact that Anisa is so creative and adventurous with her cooking and I hope that she keeps it up. One day I am sure she will hit on something big. I also love the fact that Mehran can generally be counted on to do the official taste testing. This is especially helpful when I can't quite get past the unidentified "floaty bits" hovering around the surface. It's good to know that those 9 months he spent in a Pakistani refugee camp have fortified him for his daughters culinary experiments. God bless them both.

A glimpse

Anisa has always reminded me of someone, but I have never been sure of exactly who. She does not directly resemble either Mehran or myself, but is somehow a slight mixture of both. I am often told that Ruhi looks lust like me and Bayan resembles Mehran. Anisa rarely gets this as she has inherited features and made them her own, but always, just below the surface there is something familiar, something that I have seen before but could not place. Tonight, it dawned on me as I glanced up at her face and for the briefest moment I caught a glimpse of my grandmother. It was fleeting, something in the shape of her face, the expression in her eyes and then it was gone. But it was there. It was so clear that I don't know how I ever missed it before and I am so grateful for that glimpse, no matter how brief, of someone that I can no longer see in this life.

I remember the talks that she and I shared whenever we visited their home in L.A; the hours I spent with her in the kitchen as she bustled around making and baking everything from scratch while I watched her every move, chatted happily and munched on the delicious nibbles that only she could prepare. These moments were made all the more precious as they were few and far between. Living on opposite sides of the country we didn't get to see them as often as I would have liked. My children never had the chance to meet her as she passed away when Anisa was still a baby, but she is never far from our thoughts or hearts and I am very grateful to have caught a glimpse of her reflected in my daughter's face.

Yesterday

Yesterday Anisa turned six. The loveliest, silliest six that I know. In following with the trend of this year (being that I have not been adequately prepared for parties) we celebrated with a family dinner at the restaurant of Anisa's choice, a cake, a couple of little presents and for a service project went with something simple and small that may yet yield wonderful results. Oxfam Australia helps impoverished communities in developing countries by building things like bridges and wells for water, they train communities in health and nutrition and how to raise domesticated animals to provide income and to supplement diets. Anisa carefully browsed their site and decided that she really wanted to purchase two items. In the end she decided on a chicken (which will go to someone in the Solomon Islands) and a goat for a family in Africa. The chicken is good, but I really like the idea of the goat as it can provide milk and manure, eat scraps, be sold to help pay for school fees and the first born female is given to another family so that the process can begin all over again so other families benefit too. I guess it is sort of similar with the chicken. Oh well-it's all good.

Should the children ever question why we didn't have a party every year I thought I would jot down my movements yesterday so as to provide a detailed reminder of what most days are currently like.

Allow me to set the stage. The previous evening saw me and the children making a triple batch of chocolate cupcakes (gluten free) so that Anisa could bring them to school and share them with all the kids (who loved them, by the way). In between preparing dinner, eating dinner, doing homework and cleaning up we managed to create and cook the muffins. I opted to do the icing and sprinkles myself after the kids were in bed as there was much debate about who got to do what job and weather or not it was fair that one person got to add a whole cup of flour while someone else had to add a whole cup of water. Apparently flour is more special. I don't know. Anyway by the time they were all tucked into bed, had said their prayers and I had read them a couple of chapters from the Little House Series, it was after nine o'clock. By the time that I had cleaned the kitchen from dinner, whipped up the frosting and spread it and the sprinkles across 40 odd muffins and had packed them up for the trip to school tomorrow it was close to ten. I still had to pack their lunches and make sure that I signed diaries and notes to say nothing about my own preparations for classes the next day. I did eventually get to bed, I shan't disclose the exact time, but that doesn't really matter because look at how I wrapped the sandwiches (I used the corn tortilla mountain wraps filled with shaved ham). Aren't they cute? They're made with paper flower cut outs, tucked between two pieces of waxed lunch paper and then ironed together. I added a ribbon and a little note with matching flower motifs and voila! fancy lunch wrap perfect for a birthday or special occasion.

Anisa's birthday began, for me, at six am. I got showered and changed for work. Organised breakfast and sourced clean uniforms. The kids were up at 6:45 to get dressed, eat breakfast, fix their hair and pack their bags. While they did shoes I loaded the car and we were on our way by 7:30. I dropped the kids and cupcakes at school just after 8:00 and arrived at my school just after 8:30. I had enough time to visit the restroom and make photocopies before racing to my classroom and going at full tilt until 3:00, um 3:10, which meant that I didn't get back to the girls until 3:40. We got back to pick up Bayan by 4:15 and had a little over an hour in which to get back home, do homework and get changed before leaving to meet Mehran at the restaurant at 6:00.

The kids had a great time, ate all their favourite foods and especially enjoyed some extra dessert. We were so full that we decided to keep Anisa's cake for tomorrow night, well- most of us did, Bayan had other plans. Luckily it was nothing that a little extra frosting can't fix.After dinner we came home and I got the children into their pyjamas and ready for bed. We said prayers and read stories and I dashed out the door to make the end of Feast. I had promised the Education Committee that I would make the announcements about the drastic changes we are making to our children's classes. They told me to be prepared for ferocious opposition as there are those who are not going to be happy with our decisions and are not going to want to hear what I have to say. I repeated the Tablet of Ahmad as I raced down the highway trying to mentally prepare myself for the approaching apocalypse. I noted, as I walked in the door that there we no other committee members present that evening. Humph. Not a good sign. I guess that someone heard my prayers or that the community was ready for the change because instead of opposition I had people volunteering to help. Thank you God! And Happy Birthday Anisa! We love you sweetie.

Bee ware!

Beware of swing sets positioned close to rosemary bushes. Beware of lethargic bees who are confused by the warm and cold weather we are having. Beware where you place your hands on said swing sets, there may be bees about. Anisa learned this the hard way. She was carried inside - stinger protruding out of her hand. She was not a happy camper. It took ages, lots of attention, cuddles and cold compresses before she felt any better. Luckily she had friends here to help her get over the misfortune of being stung, Ruhi even drew her a picture with captions about what she should say to the bee. Not one to be outdone, Anisa drew a picture of a bee on her palm to remind herself to tell Baba all about what happened.

Anisa and Me

Being the middle child Anisa has had the least one on one time with wither Mehran or myself. She puts up with a lot and doesn't seem to realize it. For what may be the first time since she was born, I had the chance to spend the day just with her. Bayan went to Mehran's parents, we dropped Ruhi at school and she and I headed to the hospital for her appointment. The appointment. This is the one that we needed to wait six months for to see if the size of her artery had changed. It has not. While the doctors can still offer no explanation for it they believe this is normal for her. They are still monitoring things and will routinely check but they have said there is no cause to worry. Exhale. Thank you God!

We finished the appointment in record time and decided to go and get something to eat. Anisa chose MacDonald's and we had a delightful lunch featuring fish, potatoes and orange juice or some semblance thereof. She played on the playground and I watched, mindful and so very grateful for this time that we have together. We still had awhile before we needed to go and pick up Ruhi so I asked what she would like to do next. The sky was the limit. Do you know what she said? Out of all the choices that she had, out of everything that we could do together, what she wanted most of all was to go home and paint with me. And you know what? That is exactly what we did. For the rest of the afternoon. Life is so very sweet.