We're all just Wemmicks

Perhaps one of my all time favorite children's story books is one by Max Lucado entitled You Are Special. I believe that I have mentioned it before. I am mentioning it again as I find the tale so relevant to my life just now and indeed it is full of universal truths.

Permit me to share the opening paragraphs:

"The Wemmicks were small wooden people. All of the wooden people were carved by a woodworker named Eli. His workshop sat on a hill overlooking their village. Each Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the same village. And all day, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing: They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of grey dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people spent their days sticking stars or dots on one another. The pretty ones, those with smooth wood and fine paint, always got stars. But if the wood was rough or the paint chipped, the Wemmicks gave dots..."

I feel like most of my life I have kept my mouth shut, not wanting to injure or offend other people. I am not (or perhaps I was not) a controversial person. I am generally a peacemaker. But there are limits. Recently I feel that I have reached some of mine. I suppose people are always sticking you with their stars or dots, really your whole life through, but I can't help but feel that since getting married it has been taken to a whole. new. level. First it is when are you going to have children? Then, why did you wait? Why didn't you wait? Why did you have them so close together? Why didn't you space them farther apart? When we were expecting Bayan we got few raised eyebrows. We had two daughters, obviously we were trying for a boy. (Humph.) But this time the gloves have come off. People I hardly know have been sharing their two cents in no uncertain terms, passing judgements and condemnation, other groups of people are incredulous and gently shake their heads when they see my three children and bulging tummy and the smallest group (whom I rarely meet) offer praise or their own personal experiences stemming from larger families.

There is almost always some criticism, you cannot do right. A few nights ago I was asked, by one of the many individuals who strongly discouraged us in having more children after Bayan was born, why we waited so long before having another. I mean honestly, should we inform them? Ask their permission? I was almost speechless. But, in reflecting calmly, I believe that I really don't need to respond to such comments. It is not up to us. We do not create life. God does that. How many people have tried for years to have children never to succeed, or have only succeeded after trying for many years? In the same manner I know of numerous people who were not trying at all and yet were blessed with children just the same. Every child is a gift from God and I am so very grateful for this little one, no matter the how long the wait has been or how many pregnancy related inconveniences I have faced along the way.

Abdu'l-Baha says that 'if you wish to give admonition or advice, let it be offered in such a way that it will not burden the bearer.' Well heeellloo people. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, yet these opinions should not be forced upon others. People should be able to look at their own lives, their own circumstances and their own capacities and make their own decisions without being bombarded with judgements, however well meant they may be. I have recently had to put up with individuals offering unwarranted and unwelcome advice. A lot. I have been called 'An idiot' for having another child. I have been repeatedly called 'crazy'. I have been told, point blank, to stop having kids and, interestingly, some of the strongest criticisms have been from individuals who don't even have children themselves.

That being said, I agree that there are people out there who have many children and who should not be having more. But I base this not on the fact that they five kids already, or that they have slightly challenging pregnancies, but rather on the fact that the children they do have are sorely neglected, that they are beaten, threatened, abused, told that they do not deserve food and are locked in a closet for hours on end, they are sent to school reeking of urine, there is a sadness, a hurt and often an anger in their eyes that words cannot describe, they are deprived of basic human necessities, not the least of which is love and I think that if these parents cannot care for the children that they already have, what business do they have attempting to "raise" more? I also think that if you believe you have the capacity to love and nurture and train children to the best of your abilities and there is something in your heart that inclines you towards more then maybe you should heed that, embrace it and follow your instincts and dreams regardless of what anyone thinks.

Now, I'm not saying that I am a fabulous parent or that we'll have any more kids. I'm probably messing my kids up in ways I cannot even imagine. I may yet raise Gothic teens, or shoplifters or wind up with a child in rehab, or worse. Who is to say? What I do know, is that I love my children and despite their idiosyncrasies and the fact that they are not always perfect (Anisa still sneaks lollies out of the pantry and Bayan actually clamped his hands over his ears at Feast the other night when everyone started singing a prayer together, complaining that it was giving him a headache. Shameful, I know. But he did apologize for it afterward, of his own accord. So perhaps there's still hope. ) I truly believe that they will turn out OK. It's the rest of the world that I'm worried about. A world that has lost sight of the true importance and value of children. The Universal House of Justice has said that "...children are the most precious treasure that a community can possess..." I believe that.

'Abd'u'l-Baha says (and I'm paraphrasing here) that 'every child is potentially the light of the world and at the same time it's darkness wherefore must the question of education be accounted as of primary importance.' I believe that too. And I believe that I have the capacity to be a good parent and to guide these children to the right path. I may, one day, eat my words but I'd at least like the chance to try to raise my kids and have this baby without being covered in dots before I even begin. I know that when this bugs me I must spend more time with my Creator, remembering that He made me and my family and that He does not make mistakes, remembering that everyone will be given their share of stars and dots and that these stickers will only stick if you let them. Thanks for listening.

I'm descending from my soap box... now.